Alright, you know you've got a fan, albeit your mother, when SHE makes an ultimatum regarding your blog. And when your mother speaks, you listen...or at least pretend to listen and...ah he he he, shutting up now Mom. I'm sure I'm getting her to glare at the screen now. :P Whew. Well, mom, here ya go. Oh, and by the time this is up there should be some pictures, and maybe videos up as well. Enjoy!
Well then, where to begin. I've seen a lot, experienced much, and now I get to use my (heavily practiced these days) liguistics skills pertaining to the written word. I have even found the time to do some writing for myself, fiction, as it were. If you haven't heard of it, it's called fanfiction. In essence it involved using an existing universe of characters and places in order to write your own story, thereby allowing the writer to focus on the story and play with their creativity. If you have the talent and wherewithal, try looking for my stories. If you can find them, you get $50 of my own hard-earned money. If you like them, I'll buy you a beer too. If you hate them, well, who asked you anyway! Oh, I did, well then...bugger off you! Here's a start for finding them, FanFiction.net.
Down to the task at hand, the dirty business, the reason why I'm spending £2 an hour to stare at a screen and listen to awesome music. Speaking of which, if you get the chance to come over here and you have access to a computer, get online with Spotify. It's gotta be the latest and greatest thing I've ever seen. It's basically like itunes, except completely free and great quality for streaming music. Amazing! Unfortunately it's not yet legal in Canada, but I'm told there are ways around that. I won't be trying it, as I'm in the legal zone now. Ha ha ha ha ha. Bogger on you all. I hear natterings that they're trying to move to Canada now, but we'll see how that goes. As well, it might be available for the google version of the iphone soon, as itunes rejected it. He he he, wonder why? Thousand Foot Krutch is the band of the minute for me on Spotify. Their new Album and Single, absolutely awesome! In any case, time to consult the almighty journal and picture albums and see what I've missed.
Okay, so we've gone past Wild and Sexy Scotland tours and Hairy Coo's, what next. Well, I did spend some more time in Edinburgh, then it was off to Glasgow for a few days. Glasgow, Glasgow, Glasgow. Backing up for a moment, Tony, the tour guide from Haggis Tours and Wild and Sexy Scotland is from Glasgow, so he may not want to read this. Unfortunately, I don't have much good to say about Glasgow, other than its people are friendly, just like the majority of Scotland I experiencd. The city was, definitely a city. Dirty, smelly, and generally crowded is the definite word. I won't dwell on that though, and I will spin some tales of my 2 or 3 days in the city center. The first tale is that of a set of buskers. Now, these lads were probably close to my age, not much more, and definitely not much less. They were dressed very smartly in Kilts, traditional white shirts, and some skate sneakers. Okay, so they weren't comletely traditional, but you get the idea. In any case, they were kitted out to play some good marching music. Sanre, bass, and a set of pipes. In their credit, they were excellent. I actually gave them a half pound piece I had in my pcket at the time, one of the few times I actually had some coin on me. So, the first time I saw them was earlier in the morning when they were first getting set up and moving along. So I trolled along through the day, touring the dirrrrrty (roll your r's like Sean Connery) city and generally getting a feel for what Glasgow is all about. Ooh, as another aside, I got some new shoes. North face, bright toxic yellow and green. Awesome! They're wicket trail runners, and a bit slick on polished wet surfaces, but then again, what shoe isn't. Back to the story. I made my way back to that street full of buskers later in the day, and I heard the lads at it in full force. The bass drummer was swinging away, doing those little acrobatics with the sticks you see in marching bands. His sticks were covered in huge fuzzy puffs, I'm guessing to dull the noise. The snare was doing his thing too, a kevlar top creating that distinct marching snare sound. It's one of those sounds that can penetrate anything, anywhere, at any time, 'nuff said. Then there was the middleman, the highland piper. This lad was not slowing down for nothin' and no one. His fingers were a blur as he made his way through several pieces of music, though finishing rather abruptly as I sat down on a step from where the crowd had gathered in order to fix my pack and maybe do some journal writing. Strangely, I heard a commotion coming from within the crowd, so I scooped up my bag and headed for a look. Well, i must have gotten there late, because all I saw was two blokes walking off, jeering to each other, and the drummer (snare) and piper putting down their stuff saying stuff like "Real funny there guys." I have no idea what the two guys in their track suits did to piss these Scottish buskers off, but they certainly made a mistake by picking these three, well, two in particular, but that will be explained in due time. So, the antagonist chaps walked off around a corner, still jeering, and the two that had put down their instruments walked back and forth between looking around the corner and gestulating at the two and back to where their mate and teh crowd was. Eventually, they must have come to a decision and they went off after the two guys. I was then treated to a Scotland brawl. Long story short, the guys in Kilts beat the hell out of the two buggers causing the trouble. They definitely lived up to their name of the Ladies from Hell (I'll touch on this after). Though I didn't see the whole fight, you may wonder why I can safely say the two in Kilts beat the piss out of the two in track suits. The reason is two fold. One, the guys in track suits fled after about 30 seconds into the scrum. Two, the guys in Kilts came back with minimal bruising, and no blood. Now there's a lesson to be learned from this, ladies and gentlemen. The fact is, don't mess with the Ladies from Hell.
Now I referenced that I would touch on the Ladies from Hell comment I made, and so I will. Back in the days of Scotland when battles were still fought with broadswords and you only owned one Kilt for all your duties, there were battles upon battles, countless scrums if you will. I won't try to recall the exact story Tony gave us, but it went along these lines. A group of Spaniards, if I'm not mistaken, were moving into a territory in the Highlands. Now, the highlands of Scotland had been left to their own devices for hundreds if now thousands of years prior to missionaries and the like moving in and trying to take over, often by force. English, Spaniards, and other forces were at work in these battles of supremavy. In any case, during one of these battles, the Spaniards were at the bottom of this ravine, preparing to do battle with whoever, or perhaps they were marching. The key to remember here is that the Highlanders were one of the first in their era to use Guerilla Warfare. So the Highlanders come running down through the trees, yelling and screaming, weilding weapons of mass destruction (two-handed broadswords), ready to send anyone to meet their chosen Gods. Here's some pieces of into to make the picture more vivid. The broadswords were weilded above their heads, twirled around and around in a maelstrom of fury. They were so long that they were only good for the first incursion of troops and then were dropped for favor of shorter weapons or other tactics involving the broadswords. Also, these highlanders came through the trees, so they were not only hard to see, but hard to target until the last minute as they burst out and kicked your pasty white butt back to where you came from. just to top it all off, they were half naked from the waist up, and tattooed everywhere. So your picture now includes several hundred hairy, smelly, screaming, half-naked, kilted, tattooed men weilding weapons of mass-destruction running through the trees down over a hill towards you to cut you down. Oh, and need I mention that they were hopped up on some ancient drink they called the Elixir of Life (alchohol, home brewed) and more than likely some drugs, probably mushrooms if I remember correctly. Now that is definitely a reason to be called Ladies from Hell, and if it isn't, I don't know what is.
Here's a pause in the running commentary we call my blog. Go grab a drink, stretch out the kinks, and download or stream the song Jingle Bell Rock by Thousand Foot Krutch. This is an awesome version of the song, and definitely one I could see being used in a remake of the Muppet Family Christmas. Picture Animal and the rest of the band rocking out to this tune. Booyah! Ha ha ha ha, ahem, right, onwards we move.
Well then, next bit I suppose. While still in Glasgow, I spent my last night out touring around to see what kind of clubs I experience. I visited one area of town with some student bards, and me without my student ID, couldn't get in. But, unfazed, I moved on up and down the roads in search of the ultimate party. There were a few promising prospects, though they turned to dust when I reached them. Live bands that night sucked (at least in the areas I was haunting) and other clubs I was just, well, dissapointed with the clintele, and thus decided not to stay. But, there were two experiences that saved my night in and of themselves. The first being between myself and two lovely, long-legged ladies outside a haunt they wisely advised me not to attend. They represented a tobbacco company, of whos name I will not mention as I abhore smoking and I won't market it without some form of significant payment. Sorry guys, ha ha ha. In any case, they were standing in these form-fitted three piece suits and fancy hats, think really hot mobsters, with white umbrellas in hand. Now, that being curious enough, the umbrellas had written on them "We will keep you warm and dry." Well, at first I was thinking, this could be some rather questionable company, but there's no harm in striking up a conversation. besides, what did I have to lose? So I approached the two ladies with a smile on my face (how could you do anything but) and proceeded to ask them in very eloquent terms, 'What the hell are you two doing out here?' They were only too happy to fill me in about what they were doing and that it was some sort of marketing campaign for this tobbacco company they represented. I think they were also thankful for some more intelligent conversation, as judging by the patrons outside the bar and walking by that night, intelligence may have been somewhat lacking in large quantities. Now, they recommended me to two other bars, one of which I tried and was dissapointed with, the other didn't open until much later and had a different feel to it, so I didn't bother. So, excusing myself from their presence and bidding them a goodnight, I proceeded to see what other trouble I could get myself into in Glasgow at night. Aside from seeing a series of Police vans patrolling, and arresting some poor sould in some cases, there was not much that struck my eye. Of course, that is ignoring the fact that my head was on a swivel with most of the women around wearing not much more than most should wear to bed. Florescent colors assaulted my vision left and right, so who was I not to be drawn to the...um...colors.
So, I did say I had an amazing time that night, and thusfar I have not delivered with a satisfactory explanation. So here's the explanation, and it comes in the form of a bar by the name of Jumpin Jaks. Now, the thing to remember is that this place has got to be the wildest multi-theme bar I've yet to have been privy to attending. The open floor was enormous, a large projection screen for showing music videos as songs were played, a dedicated DJ and MC for the night, a stage for events and live performances by the bar's local girl squad, and a bar that could take any number of drink orders at any given time. Oh, and an interesting point, they had this cool little contraption rigged up, fake of course, above the bar. It was an ACME distillery, and if definitely looked like something Wile E. Coyote would have used in the Roadrunner cartoons. Definitely, a place to go if you're in glasgow. Oh, and they even had singalongs to songs, with lyrics put up on the screen. Absolutely rediculous place. I've got some videos, but I'll have to upload those another time, or maybe if I get time now I will. We'll see.
Okay, now that I have some videos and pictures uploading, I can now concentrate more on the blog. But actually, I'm done for today at the moment, so I will leave you with this piece of a Irish poem. Funny I should be doing that considering I'm in Scotland eh? I'm sure you've all heard it before, but it is really a great piece:
"May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face
and the rain fall softly on your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand."
Substitute what you will for God; Buddah, Allah, or even Loki will do. :P I'll catch you all on the flipside bloggers. Later days,
Neal, the Wandering Newfie Himself
Last minute quiz, for 2,000 points: What tv show is 'Later Days' coined from. A tip, it's a cartoon.
