Further Notes On Scotland

Right then, time to go through my load of experiences over the last week or so and sum them up in one ginormous blog post. As far as photos and videos go, that'll have to wait until tomorrow or something, as I forgot my transfer cable back at the hostel. As for the rest of it, I'm working off memories and pictures from the phone so I may be jumping from thought to thought en masse. Well, then, off to the races, giddyapp!

Evan, the bro with the 'fro, you'll definitely like this one. Now be patient, because there's a story behind it as well. While I was in Scotland, I decided to do a 3 day guided tour around Scotland and the Isle of Skye. The company was called Haggis Tours, and boasted a trip featuring Wild and Sexy Scotland. With marketing like that, how could I go wrong? Well, luckily this story does not follow the general pattern of prose in the world today. There is no downturn, no unfortunate circumstances, no events leading to the catastrophic failure of my vacation. Simply put, the trip was phenomenal. But, there will be more on that later, for I have a point to reach considering Heirey Coos.

Heirey Coos, you know, Heirey Coos, right? What do you mean you don't know what a Heirey Coo is? You've never heard of a Heirey Coo? Bah, then we, and by we I mean I, need to explain what a Heirey Coo. So considering this might be some form of code, you need to follow my simple steps to decipher what I mean:

1. Remove the first 'e'.
2. Replace 'e' with the ancient heiroglyph for 'sun'.
3. Flip 'Coo' around so you get 'Ooc', leaving the 's' on the end.
4. Change 'y' to 'v'.
5. Mark the word with an asterisk.
6. Stand on your head.
7. Spit nickels.
8. Go talk to Corey Conrad in produce while hopping on one foot.
9. Run around the town naked.
10. Disregard everything you have read (and possibly done) and simply replace both words with the phrase 'Hairy Cows'.

Give yourself a pat on the back, you're done with the translation. If you've followed all of these steps to the letter I will certainly hear about it on the news tonight and will then contact you in order to congratulate you on being one of the most obedient 'sheep' I've ever met. Of course, I'm kidding, so then on with what I mean by Heirey Coos, Hairy Coos, or Hairy Cows.

Hairy Cows are more commonly known as Highland Cows. They stand about as tall as a regular cow, maybe somewhat shorter than a beef cow, but not by much. They are usually covered in a shade of long brown hair all over their bodies, much of it covering their faces. Since i don't have pictures up yet, have you ever seen those little dogs with the crazy long hair? The ones that look like you could make them run around the house and complete all of your sweeping for you. Right, with that in mind, give them a bigger muzzle, increase their size about two-hundred times, add hooves, give them an 'emo' haircut, and add long horns on either sid eof their head. Now you have a Heirey Coo, or Highland Cow, to be more precise. The critters are rather cool, and they're everywhere in Scotland. We stopped to see some first on the side of the road in the Isle of Skye, and got quite close to them actually. They seem to be very tolerant, not moving too much, and very groovy in general. There was a going challenge to see who could run up and mount one to ride back to town, but of course, the horns were quite the deterrant. This was especially so after one of the Aussies on the tour mentioned he had just been to the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona (I think that's right) and someone was killed and another badly trampled. Needless to say, sprouting off chorouses of 'Here Hairy Coo!' were about as close as we got. I heard later that another tour got to actually pet one, but thein one was enclosed, and therefore more predictable.

Now, why did I just tell you about the Hairy Highland Cows, Evan? The answer, is in the horns. All over the world, there are strange aphrodesiacs, love potions, stimulants, downers, perception-altering drugs, and generally something to enhance every sensation you might want. Now, I have no idea if this is true or not, but our tour guide, Tony, gave us this information. he said that if you grind down the horn of a Heirey Coo and snort it, not only would you have 'coo-caine', but you would also have a very powerful aphrodesiac. Needless to say, he was definitely joking about getting us some and all that, and I'm pretty sure he's lying about the actual resultant effect. however, for a few moments there, I was seriously looking at wrestling a few Heirey Coos to divest them of their cranial fixtures. So Even, when you travel the world, I expect to head about strange dissappearances of Hairy Coo Horns in Scotland at some point. Ha ha ha.

Right then, to the next point of business, namely, Loch Ness. Actually, I'd like to start with some weird names once again. We dicussed on the bus what all the names actually mean translated into English. Loch simply means Lake, and Ness is the area where the lake is, so 'Lake of Ness'. Pretty simple, right? Well then, translate for me Loch Lochie. Have you got it yet, if not, it goes to the tune of 'Lake Lakie'. And we thought Newfoundland was bad at naming places sometimes, sheesh! Also, if you seen something called Eilean m that means Island of . But now I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to Loch Ness. Amazing place, superb, spectacular, breathtaking, and could do with some excitement from time to time. There's not much going on around there, though it is definitely 'the' tourist attraction around the area of Inverness. It brings in Millions of dollars a year in tourism, which is nothing to sneeze at. But honestly, I would rather have just rented a Kayak and gone out on the water paddling. It was clear as glass one time we passed, though the others were less than optimal as the lovely 100% humidity Scotland is known for kicked in and kicked our soaking wet butts. So, I didn't see Nessie, and no, I didn't see anything unusual happening around the area. Cut, paste, moving on to Eilean Donan, among other things.

The tour itself was filled with jokes, laughter, limerics, music from all eras, and general tom-foolery all around. Our 'Clan' mates and guide bonded together well considering we had people from China, Hong Kong, Venzuela, Italy (noisy buggers they were, always yelling and drunk), Aussies, and of course, one lonely Canadian and two Americans, if I counted correctly on my mental tally. There were hikes involved, which had me and my water-proof hiking boots helping a few people out as we made our way around an ovean area into a cave were Bonnie Prince Charlie hid out. If you want his story, you'll have to ask me later, as that could take up a blog post into itself. Oh, another story to remind me of is Saucy Mary. I now have a new term of endearment for the monarchy, the Queen. She will now and forever more be known on Haggis tours and in my heart as 'Sweaty Betty'. Yes, I thought that amazingly funny as well. Now quit yer laughin' boy and keep readin' the wee words laid down here. Eilean Donan was one of the Castles we visited over on the Isle of Skye. Really neat, it was built by a Monk who came over to convert people. Apparently there was better money then in Monkhood, or some guy just built a castle after he was there. In any case, it wasn't the original castle unfortunately, but definitely a great reproduction. You'll get the pictures later, now quit wining!

If you end up over here at a later date though, you definitely have to try and find a certain beer. There's a story with this one too, that comes from Tony's perspective. He said that one time he was speaking to some Mexicans and he mentioned they had a beer called Sheep Shagger's Beer. The two Mexicans looked perplexed for a while, then asked him what he meant. Tony said, 'You know, like...' and made some rather suggestive movements with his hands and hips. The look of dawning struck the Mexicans, and they said ... you're gonna have to ask me to send you the rest of this story, as I'm still trying to keep this PG rated material. Needless to say, it involved poultry, and a favorite four letter word of Robin Williams when doing his 'Golf' skit. I nearly pissed myself at that point, and I hope you won't hold that against me. Actually, why would you, I'm sure you've almost pissed yourself by now as well. Here's another terminology for you, dealing with Castles in Scotland. There are over 1200 castles in Scotland, ranging from small and simple to large and ominous, and other recreations that look like castles but aren't because they now have windows in them. Not exactly what you want to put in a building to keep invaders out, eh? But if you go around to see the castles, eventually you'll get the ABC syndrome. Most times this syndrome is accompanied by copious amounts of cursing, but directly translated, it means 'Another Bloody Castle' Syndrome. All of these terms I give credit to Tony, one of the funniest guys I've ever met in my entire life, and probably the best Sean Connery impersonator I've had the chance to listen to.

If you want to sound like 'Sir' Sean Connery, here's how to do it:

1. Pinch an invisible ball, about the size of a large marble, between your thumb and first finger in front of you.
2. Pop that ball into your mouth, leaving it open slightly.
3. Slide your lower jaw forward.
4. Anunciate your S and X in Sexy as an 'sh' shound, lowering your voice to the desired level.
5. For the pronunciation of 'dirty', roll your R and 'ty' should be pronounced 'tay'.
6. Have fun with it!

Oh, and I've got plenty more saying and such for those of you over the age of PG-13 ratings when I get home. As for now, I'm going to clue this one up and get out of here. Time to drop off some stool samples to the doctor for processing. Okay, so you didn't need to know that, but tough cookies. My blog, my rules. Ha ha ha.

Later gators, and the invitation is still open to join me when you can.

Neal

Cabers Tossed and Haggis Squashed...

...While Kilts abound when ladies sound!

Alright, so not all of that makes sense, but it rhymes, so deal with it. Man it's been a long time since I dabbled in the realm of poetry and prose. I'll have to get back to writing some fictional stories when I set my feet down in one place for a while. Flex my mental muscles once again, becoming a titan of gray-matter and all the airy-space in between! Ahem.

Right then, as you may have guessed, I'm in Scotland, specifically in Edinburgh at the moment. I'll be leaving to go on a tour tomorrow morning around the isle of Skye, so I'll definitely have some better pictures and all that for you by the end of the three days. Then, I have to decide whether to suffer, or to head home and get some treatment. But that will be touched on later if the need should arise. As alluded to before, there are kilts everywhere. Not as many worn by the men, but just the sheer number of shops is astonishing to say the least. I counted over 12 on one road alone. And the prices, Christ, I know you only buy one in your lifetime, but it's a damn good thing you only do that once. The shirt, kilt, and tie combo starts at about £500 and goes up from there. I did see some rather interesting endeavors called Utilikilts, or kilts for everyday wear. http://www.utilikilts.com/ That would be an interesting way to walk off the plane in Deer Lake when I get home again.

But I gotta jet at the moment, as time is running out and I have no more money for extra time this time around. Lots of time in that sentence though. :P

Catcha later bloggers,

Neal

Leprechauns and Red-Haired Maidens Ahoy!

Ah, Saints Begorah! 'Tis a fine day ta be Irish, don't ya know it.

Ha ha ha ha. So, how do ya like my Irish accent. Well, for those of you in the produce department reading this, you now what I'm like with the Irish and Scottish linguistics. I hope you've all looked up Tommy Tiernan and the skit he does on Mass. Priceless, though not for younger ears. As you can probably gather, I'm in Ireland, Dublin to be exact about the matter. I arrived a few days ago, and I've been getting settled in, seeing the sights and all that jazz. I'm uploading photos as I type, so by the time you read this post I'm sure you'll be able to go online to my Facebook acount (my photos link) and see some of the photos I have up.

So far in Dublin, I've been absolutely at home with the world around me. We always say that Newfoundland is much like te Ireland of Canada, but now I can safely say that we're right about that, one hundred percent! I feel more at home here than I did when travelling most of Canada and the U.S.A. over the years. The music, the people, and even the food all ring true of back home in Newfoundland. For those of you tuning in from the West Coast, you have to come over. There are live sessions and kitchen parties here almost every night of the week tat rival anything we have ever organized at home. Aldonna and Sean, have you ever been to O'Shea's or O'Donoghue's? Both great spots in their own rights. The former has Irish set dancing on Tuesday nights, though I haven't seen that yet, and the latter has some of the best freeform music sessions and traditional Irish pub 'feel' I've come across so far. I'll be writing about my experiences at O'Donoghue's actually and when I get my photos uploaded, I'll be able to show you all what the sessions were like. Ah, the wonders of youtube.

Here are some passages from my personal journal for your reading pleasure. Be warned, to step inside the mind of an Oram is to tangle with possible insanity, laughter, music, theatre, and adventure all joined into one congealed mess of consciousness. So, with the disclaimed out of the way, do enjoy:

"I stand, or sit as it is at the moment, in Dublin Ireland. It is currently day two in the lovely island of Ireland, and I feel healthy and wise, but not so wealthy any more as my budget is decreasing rather quickly. Ha ha ha. Oh, how quickly money does disappear when having adventures. I went for a run before 7AM this morning, not bad for a guy who normally wouldn't stir out of bed before he had to back in the school days not much over 1 year ago. That is one thing I have noticed changing for the better is that of my physiological constitution, minus some gastrointestinal issues I am currently dealing with. Firstly, let me say that a great business idea has come to mind in my travels. Why not go with the new dieting trend and combine it with travelling? Send people off on a tightly budgeted trip, make them walk everywhere, and watch the pounds just slip away. As lean as I was, I've already lost another 7 or 8 pounds (10 currently), and I'm not 1 month into the trip. I'm as lean as I've ever been and if I can keep up with a little strength work twice a week, I will be going after the body Brad Pitt had in the movie Fight Club. A-Booyah! Secondly, my sleep habits are changing as I mentioned before. I find myself awake at close to dawn, especially if the window is open. But here's the real kickers: A) I don't have to use an alarm clock, and B) I have no loss of energy! Fancy that, eh? I can now see the benefit of the forager and hunter-gatherer lifestyles I studied briefly in my Anthropology course. Walking all day from place to place, eating only what you have to, and sleeping only what the body needs does wonders! Unfortunately, I'm still trying to refine my diet enough with the gastro-intestinal issues I mentioned earlier. Some tests have been done and back, so apparently there's nothing wrong in the stool, a great sign, but there may be something going on. I'll be getting checking out again if this keeps up or gets much worse. (Went there today actually, and we'll see how it goes, otherwise, I be coming home for some treatment briefly before setting off again. Nothing can stop me now.) It could be the change in climates, foods, or even stress-related (I haven't felt this relaxed in years though, ha ha ha.) No worries though, as I believe I'm narrowing down the food issues. No heavy creams based sauces, high fatty foods, or anything rich! And as for the gas, whew! I think I killed a pigeon the other day. I walked past, farted, and the little critter ruffled up his feather, teetered a little on his feet, and promptly flew away into a wall to drop unceremoniously into a pile at my fell. Okay, so that didn't actually happen, but it could! :P"

"I did meet a rather interesting individual yesterday, Mr. Patrick Slaney. He's a fellow Newfoundlander from down in the Southern coast area, if I'm not mistaken. Unusually her does not have a Newfoundland accent at all, but I will ask that question of him later. (I asked, and it turns out he moved to the mainland for University and has been away ever since for over 23 years. That would explain it.) He approached me due to the Canada running shirt I had on at the time when I was leaving the public library in Dublin. If I had been just a little bit slower or faster I would not have met him or had the chance to talk to him. he's an entertained on a cruise ship actually, (as well as a practicing psychologist, but I found that out later) and has been for a long time from the way he speaks of it. Piano is his tool, though I have yet to hear him play. Maybe I will try to sneak that in somewhere today. In short, I'll have more to say about Dublin after today as Patrick offered to show me around the city, as he has been here many times before. I should point out that this gentleman is probably old enough to be my father. ha ha ha h a, yes Dad, this is my way of calling you an old man. Deal with it! Ugh, I still have half an hour before I head into the Library, time to see if my hand is up to the task of even more writing."

"I performed a good deed already today. Rachael, as I found out he name when we parted ways, was having trouble with her rather large bag this morning due to the stairs. So, I offered to help, and promptly carried her bag down over the steps. For someone of her slight build I was not surprised to see she had trouble with the bag. it was heavier than mine even! Sheesh. But before I parted ways with her, I did find out she's from Toronto, and her and her group are headed for Galway for a day or two and then back home to Canada. As a side note, and a rather unfortunate one at that, I failed to acquire her contact information. Foolish Neal, gotta remember, always get the pretty girls' digits. Maybe the next one eh? I've got a long way left to go on this journey, and with any luck, a lot more people to meet. Ciao baby, for now anyways."

"Note, buying fruit from stand vendors around O'Connell street is an adventure you should not have. I believe the food, while of great prices, are of questionable quality. Perhaps they are seconds from other stores. I'll be sticking to the shops from now on."

Whew, well there you have it, one journal entry down. I may enter another today, as I wrote about my experience at O'Donoghue's and another pub. Strangely enough, there's been no cover charged in any of the pubs and bars I've seen and been to around Ireland. Maybe we should take a page out of their books for George Street, eh?

Later days everyone, until next time,

Neal

Heading For New Shores

Ladies and gentlemen, next stop, Manchester!

Alright, so not quite the blog entry you were hoping for eh? Ha ha ha. Well, I do have some good news, that is not what I meant by New Shores. I will be heading across some water to the lovely island of Ireland, specifically Dublin. After 5 days there, it's up to Edinburgh, Scotland, for an indeterminate amount of time at the moment. I haven't booked my hostels yet. Maybe I'll book a few, some in different areas, and get to see some of the coasts of Scotland and some outlying areas I wouldn't normally see.

At present though, I may be cutting this short, as I have been surrounded by a bunch of teenaged Italians. At least, I belive that's the language. Italian or Spanish, one of the two. They're rather nosy as well, peeking over my shoulder to look at what I'm doing. Buggers the lot of them.

Alright, adios amigos,

Neal

Interesting Facts Previously Not Mentioned

The following post may be considered PG-13 rated. If you are not over the age of 13, do not read this post. Ladies, if you are lying this badly about your age to believe you are 13 once again, you definitely need not read this post and seek professional medical help. Men, well, there's only a few people in my family under the age of 13, and one I know can't read yet, while the other two should beletting their parents read this first. Now then, enough with this random disclaimer/warning, and on to the blogging at hand.

Good Day men, women, and beasts alike. Your host is back with another installment of the Wandering Newfie blog. Y'know, I was doing some writing in my journal the other day, and I came across some pages I had scribbled random notes on for use later in a previous blog entry. Well, needless to say, I had not included these findings and tidbits of information into the blogs in retrospect. So here it is, the blog to bring to the forefront some of these thigs I saw, encountered, heard, touched, tasted, smelled, and otherwise interacted with on some level or another. Each paragraph is its own separate thought process, so you can read in bits and pieces at your leisure.

The first one was a street sign. You and I know that in Newfoundland, we have some odd town names, and even more surprising business names from time to time. Well, this one really took the cake. I will remind you, that this may be PG-13 rated, so parents, please remove your children from the computer screen until you have passed this piece. On the bus heading out of bath, this road sign for a hotel read, and I kid you not, 'Limpley Stroke Hotel'. Not only was this sign presented on the side of the road for all to see, but it was placed strategically around the turn we were taking in three different places, just to make sure all passers-by recieved the message implicitly that this hotel was there. I nearly jumped off the bus at that moment, though if the hotel had lived up to the connotations of its name, I would very quickly not qualify to stay at said hotel.

A pice of information I found at Stonehenge was what they referred to as Burroughs (my spelling may be off slightly, pronounced Bur-uh's). These reminded me of the Viking houses and grave sights at Lanse-aux Meadows on the Northern Penninsula...and I hope my geography is right otherwise Dad and Mom will never let me live this down. Well, Mom might because her sense of direction is sometimes worse than my own. I love you too Mom! The mounds in the ground, which look like shrunken versions of our own Norse invaders' graves, dotted the landscape around the Henge. It would have made one hell of a challenging golf course though, let me tell you. Corey, I'll see if I can make it to St. Andrews, where they invented the sport, and piss off some poor waspy old men by acting out Robin Williams. If the video is shaky, it'll be because I was running away from the golf carts. But, I have digressed. As it is, these Burroughs are the grave sites of ancient Chieftans who lived in the area surrounding Stonehenge hundreds if not thousands of years ago. But they aren't pushing up daisies, so to speak, as there wasn't a blasted flower, shrub, or plant to be seen save for the long grass and local small plants that seem to be everywhere anyways. They're certainly doing their blastedness in the afterlife not be disturbed or found. Fortunatley, out tour guide knew where they were, and he filled us in. I will say this though, if I get the chance again, I'm taking my running shoes and running over all of those Burroughs I can find, just to say I 'ran over' a historic figure, if not royalty for some I'm sure.

York is certainly an interesting place, if you're into older-style architecture and very, very quiet places to think and ponder about the myseries of the universe while being bothered by countless amounts of geese, pigeons, finches, and other fowls and feathered fiendish fauna hiding in the flora. I will explain myself in short order. Firstly, the architecture is really quite spectacular, as you can see by going to my facebook page. (Yes, I still haven't figured out a good site to dump mass amounts of pictures onto, so if you have any good ideas, let me know!) The walls around central York are the original walls and walkways and towers used to gate and guard the city in its earlier years against travellers, warring bands, and wild animals of all sorts, shapes, and sizes. It is quite interesting to walk on them, but I did that once and it didn't take me very long, so enough said about that. Oh, come on, it's a wall! It's not that impressive. Still, there are pictures in the facebook gallery. You can check it out there. Some of the buildings look old enough to belong in a movie set back in the days of Shakespeare. The roofs are bowed with age, clay-fired tiles cracked from the weather, paint fading off the walls, and people manning them that look like they've been strung out on the timeline too long. Alleyways dot the streets as you walk by, some so small you'd miss them if you blinked as you walked. My friend Jessica showed me a book she had about where all of the alleys were and where they went, and also said it's a great way during festivals and busy times of the year to get around the crowds. I looked at them and thought 'What a great place to get away in a chase!' and 'I wonder if I can climb those walls?' That was another thing, all of the drain pipes and such running down the sides of the buidlings had this 'Climb Proof' paint on it. Well, it certainly didn't feel climb-proof to me when I briefly tested that theory. Did I go to the top, nope, as the building was 3 stories high, but it did give me a really cool vantage point to look down on the alley from. It'd be a cool spot to run around for a day and see where I could get, well, minus the police and jails and all that jazz that would undoubtedly ruin my fun. Pffft. As for the quiet of York, it's too much like home in some ways. Every major shopping area save the market in Central York is set far outside the city proper. There aren't a lot of travellers either, not like London anyways, or I would suspect some of the other places I will be visiting in the near future. That's what bugs me about some of these places, great scenery, but lousy amounts of things to do and people to meet. Still, for what it is, a great place to wind down and relax for a few days, until you go completely mad! Finally though, there are the birds. Pigeons are in your face and around your feet quite literally 24-7 and they are everywhere. They even wake me up in the morning. I didn't know pigeons could be that annoying, honestly, I didn't! I guess in the bigger cities, they get drowned out by the engine and gunshot noises. But that craziest thing was the geese. I have pictures of hordes of geese, just walking, or rather waddling if you prefer, in the main pathways. They're not exactly the nicest sort either, well, the gray ones aren't anyways. There were two main types, black and gray. While the black ones stayed to the water and flights mostly, the gray ones acted like we were on their turf. One even blocked my path as I was biking towards it, raised up, and hissed at me like a bloody-snake! Needless to say, I was so shocked by the maneuver, I promptly stopped the bike and waited for it to get the hell out of my way. In retrospect, it would have interesting to see how far a goose could fly if powered by a kick moving at speeds accelerated through the use of a bicycle, or 'push-bike', as the locals like to call them.

'Bicycle Policeman With Siren Blaring Looks Ridiculous As He Weaves Through Traffic!' That definitely could have been the highlight of my blog post. The dude just threw a siren on and cars started somewhat moving out of his way. I have to give the dude some credit though, as it takes dedication to do your job all day on a bicycle wearing a bright yellow vest. However, he did look rather ridiculous, and I believe I even saw some of the locals look and laugh as he passed by. I mean, how intimidating is a guy on a bike coming up behind you in a car? You almost want to open your door abruptly and see how far he flies. But of course, I would never do that, no...not having a car throws a monkey-wrench into things now doesn't it? At least on horse-back you have to look up at the officer as they come up on you or pass you by. Imagine if the poor guy got a flat, or got into a bike chase with a theif on a really nice racing bike? He's not only be exhausted in the second situation, but also embarassed in both of them. Not my first choice for a position with lots of respect flowing my way.

I believe that's about it for today folks. I have to go dbook some more flights. Next stops, Manchester, Dublin, and then most likely somewhere in Scotland. Time to have a linguistic adventure! If you can tell me where that line is taken from, you get a shout out and I'll send you back somethinf in the mail.

Neal

Most Pictures Uploaded

Hey eveyone, this will be short and sweet.

I'm still having some troubles uploading my london pictures, but all the other ones are up now. The london ones should be up soon. The party ones are up as well, so you can check those out. You have to access my facebook page, and I let eveyone see those, so you should be able to get access to them through your facebook account. Let me know if its not working there.

Cheers,

Neal Oram

Apology Needed

Right then, as you all may notice, I have squat-all for pictures posted on my blog and website. This is because, finding computers and the necessary time with which to post them is rather difficult. However, I will be solving that problem in the near future, either by purchasing a computer or coming back to this Library I am currently seated in and posting up some more. I need a better site to upload to though, as my current one is crap! If anyone has any suggestions for websites where I can mass-upload pictures and the like, even for a small membership fee, please let me know.

Sorry again for the pictures, but I'll do the best I can soon,

Neal